Is it just me or was my chiropractor a perv?
Perv-Alert Sign #1:
He gushes over my pregnancy, repeatedly calling it "magic"; tells me I have to be careful because "men just love pregnant women." (He himself has had 5 children)
Perv-Alert Sign #2:
He asks how thrilled I am about all the changes that are happening to my body. I am thrilled, but not as thrilled as he seemed to be...
Perv-Alert Sign #3:
Reminds me that as a pregnant woman it is impossible for me to get pregnant again; then encourages me to go out and have a VERY good time in NY (ewwww!)
Dude, he was a perv, wasn't he? I've never been to a chiropractor before and I don't think I'll go back to that one. That was about as bad as getting a pap smear from my PCP. Wait didn't he, in effect, just tell me to go around and have plenty of sex whilst in NY? Haha, God knows I'd like to get laid, but not like THAT.
Hahaha, no big deal though. Just a bit strange. Anyway I must go feed now - Karen's got me craving Krispy Kreme and anchoves from the Italian Riviera... See you guys when I get back =)
6.16.2004
I'm glad to see that my summer is finally shaping up. I was about ready to pull my hair out of extreme boredom. Sitting at home with my cat can become amazingly boring after a while, even if he is the best cat in the whole wide world.
Anyhow, I figured I didn't want to get a job or anything this summer, so I'll volunteer instead. I'm probably going to tutor at the Lakewood Youth Center a couple days a week, and I wanted to get involved with their Therapeutic Recreation program so I can work with autistic kids. I had such a great time working at the Special Olympics that I think I'd really enjoy working with that population more. I'm probably going to volunteer as an intern for an opthalmologist in Long Beach, so I can keep abreast on my long term career plans.
Also I signed up for prenatal yoga!!! I'm so psyched, I can't thank Karen enough for finding this class for me. I start next Tuesday.
I'm taking a few trips this month too. I'm heading off to China with my pops to see his resort site and visit my uncle who's been living in Fuchow (sp?) for maybe 15 years now. Then I'm going with him to Beijing, then to HK for about a week to see my beloved Karen and where I'll hopefully meet up with Carrie and Mat (if you guys can make it). I can just see it - Mat pimpin it with not 3 for 4 girls, including my little one. <333
Okay, gotta go to the chiropractor now. My back's been acting shotty as all hell and I need to meet with hands that heal =)
Anyhow, I figured I didn't want to get a job or anything this summer, so I'll volunteer instead. I'm probably going to tutor at the Lakewood Youth Center a couple days a week, and I wanted to get involved with their Therapeutic Recreation program so I can work with autistic kids. I had such a great time working at the Special Olympics that I think I'd really enjoy working with that population more. I'm probably going to volunteer as an intern for an opthalmologist in Long Beach, so I can keep abreast on my long term career plans.
Also I signed up for prenatal yoga!!! I'm so psyched, I can't thank Karen enough for finding this class for me. I start next Tuesday.
I'm taking a few trips this month too. I'm heading off to China with my pops to see his resort site and visit my uncle who's been living in Fuchow (sp?) for maybe 15 years now. Then I'm going with him to Beijing, then to HK for about a week to see my beloved Karen and where I'll hopefully meet up with Carrie and Mat (if you guys can make it). I can just see it - Mat pimpin it with not 3 for 4 girls, including my little one. <333
Okay, gotta go to the chiropractor now. My back's been acting shotty as all hell and I need to meet with hands that heal =)
6.15.2004
You regret to tell him one particularly sunny yet pivotal morning that you don't ever want to speak to him again and that you wish you'd never met him. This is true; after all, his total disregard for your feelings is too much to bear. And of course, he ought to be good to somebody so if it wasn't going to be you, it may as well be her.
In effect, you let go of what you never had.
You spend a month missing him and trying to stay strong. This is, ater all, the only way he'll ever want you back. Reality slowly sinks in. He is not here for you. She is not having his baby. He doesn't really love you. He's made the choice not to be with you.
None of this makes sense but you see that none of it really matters anymore.
And then a call. You were afraid to answer but decided to anyway. A call from the man that had dropped you had come. Why? to lift you, or so you thought. You were cautious at first but were quick to let down your guard. After all, why else should he call? You want to hear he has changed his mind, he's seen the error of his way and he has or is willing to make all the preparations so the two of you - no, the three of you - can finally be together.
The heart may be so tragically hopeful.
Instead, he speaks of money and blood tests. As soon as he shows the least bit of interest, you uncoil like a tiger from her cage. You begin with hard questions that begin with "Why?" Then you attempt, through a mixture of tears and yelling how hard life has become without him, that you have missed him and you are scared because you do not know what to do anymore.
You think he could not bear to see you suffer so, and it is true.
Instead of running to you he runs away. Once you realize this, you use the tiny breaths in between sobs to apologize for your behavior and beg him to not go, but he is gone.
It was your chance to change things for the better and you blew it. Life's irony is when you think you're making progress without them, they come back into your life just to remind you how deep those hurts actually run. They don't know they've been the singular preoccupation in your heart. They don't know the lengths you go to avoid selected memories. They can't begin to imagine the worried looks on friends and family's faces when they watch you now, so afraid of life and to be alone.
I feel like I am shrinking.
It was my chance and I blew it. I have two opposing goals. The first is to be strong and make it on my own and the second is to be loved my him. These two are by definitin mutually exclusive, and so you see, our conversation was doomed from the start.
Why does it have to be so hard?
It is impossible to know what to do anymore. All of my choices have been wrong, all of my attempts serve the purpose of biting me in the ass. Anyone who could have seen me a year ago would probably not recognize me and the transformation goes on.
This is no longer a love story. For now, it is a tragedy.
In effect, you let go of what you never had.
You spend a month missing him and trying to stay strong. This is, ater all, the only way he'll ever want you back. Reality slowly sinks in. He is not here for you. She is not having his baby. He doesn't really love you. He's made the choice not to be with you.
None of this makes sense but you see that none of it really matters anymore.
And then a call. You were afraid to answer but decided to anyway. A call from the man that had dropped you had come. Why? to lift you, or so you thought. You were cautious at first but were quick to let down your guard. After all, why else should he call? You want to hear he has changed his mind, he's seen the error of his way and he has or is willing to make all the preparations so the two of you - no, the three of you - can finally be together.
The heart may be so tragically hopeful.
Instead, he speaks of money and blood tests. As soon as he shows the least bit of interest, you uncoil like a tiger from her cage. You begin with hard questions that begin with "Why?" Then you attempt, through a mixture of tears and yelling how hard life has become without him, that you have missed him and you are scared because you do not know what to do anymore.
You think he could not bear to see you suffer so, and it is true.
Instead of running to you he runs away. Once you realize this, you use the tiny breaths in between sobs to apologize for your behavior and beg him to not go, but he is gone.
It was your chance to change things for the better and you blew it. Life's irony is when you think you're making progress without them, they come back into your life just to remind you how deep those hurts actually run. They don't know they've been the singular preoccupation in your heart. They don't know the lengths you go to avoid selected memories. They can't begin to imagine the worried looks on friends and family's faces when they watch you now, so afraid of life and to be alone.
I feel like I am shrinking.
It was my chance and I blew it. I have two opposing goals. The first is to be strong and make it on my own and the second is to be loved my him. These two are by definitin mutually exclusive, and so you see, our conversation was doomed from the start.
Why does it have to be so hard?
It is impossible to know what to do anymore. All of my choices have been wrong, all of my attempts serve the purpose of biting me in the ass. Anyone who could have seen me a year ago would probably not recognize me and the transformation goes on.
This is no longer a love story. For now, it is a tragedy.