contrast and compare love and weakness. currently i find myself feeling both and i wonder if, in my case, they are really any different. weakness prevents me to leave or move on, but what i find myself saying instead is that it is because of love. so anyway, i guess what i've ended up pondering is whether or not love simply translates into weakness, and perhaps maybe this is what love has been all about for me in my entire life. someone who could render me completely helpless, who can reduce me to the size of a legume. isn't a good part of love making ourselves vulnerable to another? if so, where exactly should i have drawn the line? it's as though i missed the last train out of this place called indignation and i'm wondering just how the hell i'm supposed to get back now.

a scrap of poetry i wrote a few weeks ago:

i have trod a beaten path
i am afraid that many follow.
how i came here
I do not know.
it was as if the winds were calling
my name and mine alone.

i have seen the desperate eyes
that stare at me when my lids are closed
searching for the voice that called
the lost boy in disguise. he is gone.
i tried then to retrace my steps
when i heard him hoot beyond the wood
i ran to where he disappeared
but found a woman in his stead.
her hair was long. her skin was fair
she stared at me with eyes long dead
enraged to find another there
i winced as my head turned away for
i knew i shared my fate with hers --
the one who came before.

still i am her and she is me
i took the path that she did beat
there are several trails out
but only one weaves
in between cold cast by shadows of leaves
that pimple the skin
of countless women
where our loss for words will
atone for his sins.

i have seen the determined steps
tracking mud and blood
to hunt the source of my distress.
it is never very far
this forest is small
he perturbs the fabric of time
with infinite ripples carving heinously.
on my trail, on my way
i find another casualty.
i fear she's not so different than me
that before she did fall
she too heard the wind call...
what to do, what to say
to this one who's come after?
ought i shatter the silence
with the sound of my laughter?